The Average American Male: A Novel by Chad Kultgen

Author:Chad Kultgen [Kultgen, Chad]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction, Humorous, Black Humor
ISBN: 9780061231674
Google: r_m88R-XWtwC
Amazon: 0061231673
Publisher: Harper Perennial
Published: 2007-03-12T23:00:00+00:00

chapter twenty-nine

Post-Lunch with Carlos

After eating the same lunch we eat every Saturday at the CPK in the Beverly Center, Carlos and I are across the street at the music store in the Beverly Connection in the DVD section shopping for his mom’s birthday present.

Carlos holds up the Vin Diesel Pacifier DVD and says, “You think my mom would like this? I would love to suck his cock.”

“I’m sure he’d love that.”

“You never know. Anyway that’s neither here nor there. I still can’t believe you and Casey are kaput. I mean, despite all the shit you always complained about, I thought you guys would wind up married—maybe divorced down the line, but married at some point. That is funny though about her mom writing you that letter. Do you still have it?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to read it. I love shit like that.” He picks up a Spider-Man DVD and says, “I think I remember my mom telling me that she and my dad saw this movie like three or four times.” He flips the DVD over and reads the back as he says, “Tobey Maguire…I’d suck his dick so fucking good.”

“Is he gay?”

“You don’t have to be gay to have your dick sucked.” He looks through some more DVDs and then says, “And you still haven’t talked to her since she showed up at your house stalker-style?”

“No.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, that’s pretty cold. But maybe it’s for the best. You don’t want her getting the idea that you want her back in your life if you don’t. I fucked this one little Chinese hardbody for about a week and a half before I got sick and tired of getting poked by his two-inch pushpin and dumped him on Valentine’s Day. But I kept talking to him, you know, just to be nice, and he somehow thought that meant he could drop by anytime and try to make me cum with his little nub. Jesus, that was a long two weeks. Anyway, like I was saying, it’s probably better you don’t talk to her.”

“I agree.”

He holds up an Assassins DVD and says, “My mom likes Stallone. Do you think either one of these guys would let me suck their cock?”

“I don’t know.”

“And now what’s the deal with this new girl? She sucked your dick and you ate her out, and she’s the same one you went on that other date with?”

“Right.”

“Do you think it’s a little quick to be jumping right back into another cunt?”

“I’m not jumping into anything. It was just a date.”

“For me, wrapping my lips around a cock is just a date. For any girl, though, sucking some guy’s dick is not just a date. Didn’t you say she just got out of some long-term relationship, too?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for getting off as much as you possibly can in this life, but this looks like trouble to me. ”

“Trouble was being engaged to Casey. If Alyna’s trouble, at least she’s trouble with a perfect fucking ass.

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